Pensando ...

I'm in a reflective mood today. Concentrate on what my future can be like (if I let it...) instead of thinking of could have, would have and should have done in the past.


One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. Which road do I take? she asked. Where do you want to go? was his response. I don't know, Alice answered. Then, said the cat, it doesn't matter.

You Gotta Have Faith

I do miss going out for a run. I have to trust my body and the people around me who are helping me to get that strong body again. I must have faith that my recovery training will work out for my benefit and that in due time I can go out again for a run. I have to stick to the recovery training schedule and be patient. It's a difficult day for me though. To keep me going I have been watching motivational videos from triathles. I watched the DVD 'What It Takes' again and every time after watching this documentary I get blown away again by the drive and the commitment of these top triathletes. While writing this I realise that I have come a long way since the last surgery. Lately my knees feel stronger and perhaps that is why I am so impatient to go out for a run. I have to trust that soon I wil come to a point of ease and comfort and have faith that it will all work out for my own benefit.

What Keeps Me Going

You can quit and no one will really care....but you will always know." -John Colins

Takin' it easy ...

I am in the mood to take it easy today. Maybe I should take a stroll through a park, just to spend some time outside instead of being glued to my laptop. I have some serious thinking to do and think that the best way to get it done is to go away by myself for a while. I know I should not force the issue; decisions are not coming easy lately and I don't want to make myself crazy by stressing out. I think it would be good for me to spend time outside in the fresh air and just go with the flow. Sometimes things come together more quickly if I forget about them for a while.

Wonder what the future has in store for me?

I am hooked on the tv show Flash Forward. In this tv show one day everyone in the world blacks out for 2 minutes and 17 seconds and see a glimpse of their future. Would I really want to know my future? Some days I do, some days I don’t. If it was going to be good news, I would love to know. And if something bad would happen to my family I would want to know it too. But ultimately, I don’t think so. This is the journey we are on. We make our decisions and choices, and the experience of life is living by them, for good or for bad. Such is life. And therein lies the lesson. To not have that lesson is to not tackle life. Just live the answer.

Cleaning House

I realise that some ideas have outworn their usefulness. Although this insight is pretty clear to me it seems difficult to let go. I know it will stop my progress and still it is hard for me to let go. I need to think about "cleaning house" and not holding on to things that are not serving me. Loyalty is very important to me, but when it becomes misplaced loyalty it will take me towards problems and unhappiness instead of healing and peace. I can remember situations in which I showed my loyalty despite being hurt and disappointed so many times and still I was able to forgive them for the sake of friendship and because I always tried to understood their motives. I have come this far, so now I have to continue and let go.

From knee cap dislocaton to recovery training to the NY marathon

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. I should remember this again when I get on the stationary bike for my recovery training or when I can do my first run ... Unfortunately, running I have to postpone for another couple of weeks. A fortnight ago I had a minor surgery. They removed the screws in my knee cap of my right leg. Let's hope this time it will work out and that I could live pain free again. Even it would take away the pain just a little bit, I would be in seventh heaven. Just as long as I can do my running and cycling again. Maybe I'm pushing it, but I really miss doing sports. I still work out at the gym, do kick boxing occasionnaly, but miss the outdoor experience. I miss the smell of grass early mornings, even the smell of country life during my runs when I visit my parents or feeling rain drops on my skin. Maybe I just miss being outside in the fields. It has also been a long time since I had my last swim. I should start going to the swimming pool again and see if I can afford to sign up for the TI workshop in Barcelona. And I definitely should go to the beach this weekend for a brisk walk. I'm considering running the NY marathon 2010. I mentioned it to my PT, but he was not too fond of the idea. The NY marathon in 2010 will be on November 7. That will be 11 months from now, so I would have plenty of time to get in shape, provided my knees will hold up. Besides commitment, I need a plan, a training schedule as it will take a well designed, logical build up program to get in shape. I will ask advise from a talented Dutch tri-athlete who also does personal coaching. It would be so cool if he would agree to be my coach and help me to get ready to run the NY marathon.