Cleaning House

I realise that some ideas have outworn their usefulness. Although this insight is pretty clear to me it seems difficult to let go. I know it will stop my progress and still it is hard for me to let go. I need to think about "cleaning house" and not holding on to things that are not serving me. Loyalty is very important to me, but when it becomes misplaced loyalty it will take me towards problems and unhappiness instead of healing and peace. I can remember situations in which I showed my loyalty despite being hurt and disappointed so many times and still I was able to forgive them for the sake of friendship and because I always tried to understood their motives. I have come this far, so now I have to continue and let go.

From knee cap dislocaton to recovery training to the NY marathon

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. I should remember this again when I get on the stationary bike for my recovery training or when I can do my first run ... Unfortunately, running I have to postpone for another couple of weeks. A fortnight ago I had a minor surgery. They removed the screws in my knee cap of my right leg. Let's hope this time it will work out and that I could live pain free again. Even it would take away the pain just a little bit, I would be in seventh heaven. Just as long as I can do my running and cycling again. Maybe I'm pushing it, but I really miss doing sports. I still work out at the gym, do kick boxing occasionnaly, but miss the outdoor experience. I miss the smell of grass early mornings, even the smell of country life during my runs when I visit my parents or feeling rain drops on my skin. Maybe I just miss being outside in the fields. It has also been a long time since I had my last swim. I should start going to the swimming pool again and see if I can afford to sign up for the TI workshop in Barcelona. And I definitely should go to the beach this weekend for a brisk walk. I'm considering running the NY marathon 2010. I mentioned it to my PT, but he was not too fond of the idea. The NY marathon in 2010 will be on November 7. That will be 11 months from now, so I would have plenty of time to get in shape, provided my knees will hold up. Besides commitment, I need a plan, a training schedule as it will take a well designed, logical build up program to get in shape. I will ask advise from a talented Dutch tri-athlete who also does personal coaching. It would be so cool if he would agree to be my coach and help me to get ready to run the NY marathon.

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together

I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so that you will eventually learn to trust no one but yourself. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together!

I truly believe people come into your life for a reason at the time you need them the very most. PDX came in my life when I broke up with my former boyfriend. I know PDX's friendship is one of the most treasured gifts in my life if only because he helped me to prepare to face a very difficult period I would never thought it would come my way. He does not know it and it may not look like it, but I truly appreciate his friendship. At times he can drive me crazy for being so indecisive, lazy and procrastinating everything he can imagine putting off. Nonetheless, I appreciate his friendship and love him for who he is. I thank him for being my friend and most for helping me realize it will all work out! Finally, I am in a good place now. It's only the beginning but at least it's a start ...